Best Kid Quotes.

Thanks to my sex ed class, every science lesson now contains at least 3 questions on sex, babies and anything that might make Madam Miriam blush or snort.

"Do bees have vaginas?"

"Why do the worker bees go out and work instead of staying home to breastfeed their babies?"

"Do flies have vaginas?"

Do frogs have vaginas?"

"Can mens get pregnant from sexing in the anoose?"

"Can a man and a goat make a baby?"

"Madam, is it true the plants are also making the sex? Do the plants have vagina?"


Confidence boosters:

Upon hearing that I am not married and dont have a baby: "Ah, Madam, I am sorry, I will pray to God he will give you husband and many babies and you will be happy!"

"Madam, you are very strong and fat."

"Ah, Madam, your hair is grey like an old womans but your arms are fat like a baby!"

"Madam! Madam! Can I squeeze your pimple and make it go pop?"

"Madam, your valentine, he is in your country?" "Yes." "What if he finds a wife while you are gone?"

"Why is your face red and shiny?"

"You are very fat Madam! Very fat. Yes, very very fat."

Random weirdness:

"Madam, I will not see you on Monday. The man on television said the world it will end on Saturday, so I am not doing my homework."

"When I am grow up I wish for to be like God."

"Madam!!!!! MADAM!!!!! This boy has given me a piece of paper with my name on it and I do not know why!"

(when asked to write a letter to a bank manager as an english exercise) "Madam, I must go home." "Why Shaban, whats wrong?" (kid on point of tears.) "I must go to ask my mother: I do not know the name of my bank manager Madam!"

"This one is polluting!" (Kenyan slang for farting, a regular cry in Olives classrooms.)

"Madam, Mr Joseph he told us when mzungu pollutes it is smelling like cake." Whole class: "Pollute Madam! POLLUTE!"

Tadpole City Baby!

The schoolyard is still a lake, the rain is still pouring but the frogs appear to have gone elsewhere, much to the dismay of the crows. They have, however, left a legacy behind them. I was staring  mindlessly into the water trying to plan a science lesson when I noticed what I thought were millions and millions of tiny black seeds. On closer inspection the seeds appeared to have tails and were wriggling quite furiously. I looked across the yard and realised that in the space of 4 days, the 20 or so frogs I'd be turfing out of classrooms had succeeded in spawning hundreds of thousands of teeny tiny tadpoles. The water was teaming with them, even the puddles were full of frantically thrashing wrigglers.

Having recently done a lesson on the life cycle of the frog, I realised Id found my science lesson. I ran into class and told Standard 5 we were going to conduct a long term observation of the life cycle in action. We all trooped outside and the kids stared in fascination at the real life version of my badly drawn tadpoles. One kid refused point blank to believe they were frog babies, stating kindly and condescendingly that they were fish. We managed to procure a bucket from somewhere (I asked no questions) and filled it with water and tadpoles. Our classroom is now the proud owner of a tadpole tank. I had to stop the kids fishing them out though, they kept trying to see their eyes and gills. I explained that for the tadpoles to live long enough to grow visible gills and eyes, they would have to avoid the repeated trauma of almost dying. The tadpoles were replaced, but not before Joseph Katana demanded a photo op "To see the size of the tadpoles to show again when they're bigger Madam."

Its the weekend now and everybody's praying for sun so we can make it to the beach. Everyone except me that is. I keep thinking of those determined little wrigglers and secretly hoping their home doesn't dry up too soon...:)

You can stand under my umbrella...

Crow V Frog

Its rainy season for real now! The rain thus far has been but a puny imitation of the thundering gallons of water unleashed from the sky the past few days. (Ironic given the current lack of water in the house.) The trek to school has become much more hazardous, and lunchtime much more interesting. We currently have a frog invasion, and Im talking proper frogs: big fat croaking bullfrogs which hop unconcernedly between the feet of shrieking children who try to kick or stomp them.

I was privileged enough to witness an epic battle of will and wits today. The children were all in class and I was on a break, watching the rain and counting the frogs. One particular frog was attempting in vain to leap a sheer brick wall. After a while I realised I wasn't the only one watching him: a huge, beady eyed crow was sidling closer and closer from an overhanging tree branch. The blissfully oblivious frog kept jumping and jumping as the crow edged nearer and nearer. Suddenly he hopped down from the tree, cornering the frog against the wall. Head cocked to one side, he examined the frog, sizing up his potential dinner.The frog froze, finally aware of his impending doom, and the crow leapt forward and pecked his leg. The frog scrambled and scrabbled but the crow got a hold on his leg and took off.

Thankfully for the frog, the crow hadn't taken into account the fact that the frog was almost as big as him. Dangling him by one spindly leg, he lost his grip and froggy got away. But the poor amphibian was by now too traumatised to do anything other than hyperventilate, and the crow struck again, this time managing a successful take off.
It was a pretty absurd image: the huge belly of the frog dangling by his impossibly long legs from the tiny beak of the crow. I was pretty impressed by the crow's persistence but devastated for the poor frog soaring higher and higher. The crow settled on a branch to begin his lunch-and then the dilemma struck him. He couldn't eat the frog while holding on to its leg, but to let go of his leg would mean dropping him. He sat there in silent frustration as the frog wriggled furiously, contemplating his options. Eventually he opened his beak-and the frog fell to the ground with an audible "plop." He sat stunned for a moment as I yelled "Get into the water!" much to the consternation of a passing child. The crow swooped in for a second chance and finally the frog took my advice. He soared into the air like a fat ballerina and disappeared beneath the murky water. I muttered a triumphant "Yesss!" and did a furtive fist pump. All was calm.

Feeding giraffes in Haller Park.

We are not amused...